nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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