so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
