Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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