I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
