i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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