Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
