i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
