so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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