the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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