Your face is a jimmy john
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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