I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
