We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
