Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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