i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
