I can text with my tongue
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
