I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
