I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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