11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
