i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
