things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
