Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm at about main and main street
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
