I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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