Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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