fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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