I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
