After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
