I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
