I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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