My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
