so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
