dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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