we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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