Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
