This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
