Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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