I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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