It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
