How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
