paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
