walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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