As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
