i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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