You really coming over, don't trick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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