I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
