my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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