This house was built for laser tag.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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