We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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