The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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