i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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