is your mom at the bar?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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