You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
