She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
