She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
