I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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