Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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