why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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